


Hold On To Me

by LisaDuncansTwin



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Episode related: S2p2, M/M, Sappy, Title inspired by a song but not a songfic, Written in 1999
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-04-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 03:06:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaDuncansTwin/pseuds/LisaDuncansTwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sierra Verde, Jim finally realizes what Blair means to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 1999 and betaed by Diana, left unaltered.

The flight back from Sierra Verde was an uneventful one. Simon and Jim slept through most of the flight, only waking to partake of the small and unfulfilling meal served somewhere over New Mexico. Megan passed the time reading a trashy novel that she had picked up in the gift shop at the airport. And Blair Sandburg, Shaman of the Great City, fretted over where he was going to sleep that night.

He wanted to fall back into his regular habits, his room at the loft, being Jim's partner, but there was still so much that had to be discussed. There hadn't been time while he was in the hospital, and when he had heard from Megan that Jim and Simon had left town, there had only been enough time to gather some clothes, grab his passport and catch a plane. The most important things in Sierra Verde had been to catch Alex and retrieve the nerve gas. Now that Cascade was fast approaching, Blair was filled with apprehension at the thought of what his future would hold. His entire life was in a state of limbo, his dissertation on hold and his living arrangements up in the air, but those things were secondary considerations. He could give up his dissertation and doctorate, and he could live in his car if necessary, but he couldn't give up Jim.

Jim was more than his friend, more than his research subject. Jim meant everything to Blair: home, security, stability, everything Blair had never had before. Jim was his father, his brother, his partner, his best friend. Jim was also the man Blair loved.

Blair's feelings for Jim had begun to develop from the first moment they met at the hospital. It had started out as an attraction, a crush, and had deepened over time as he had gotten to know Jim and become part of his life. Blair had hidden his feelings, unwilling to voice them and lose everything he held dear, but perhaps it was time to tell Jim exactly what he felt for the man he had come to love. After all, what else could happen?

The first awkward moment came when Blair hailed a cab.

"Chief, you can ride home with me."

"My car's still at school," Blair offered weakly.

"So I'll drop you off there and follow you home."

"Home? Right now, my office is my home."

"I thought we settled all this," Jim said tiredly.

"Settled it? Hell, we haven't even talked about it. You kicked me out, and you know, maybe it's for the best," Blair sighed.

"How can you say that, chief?"

Blair looked at Simon standing nearby, trying to give them some privacy. It wasn't where or how he had planned on dropping his bombshell, but it would have to do.

"Because I'm in love with you, and I can't go back to the way things were."

Blair turned and got into the cab, leaving Jim to stare after him.

"Jim?" Simon questioned. "Did Blair just say-"

Jim cut him off, "I don't want to talk about it."

Simon backed off, and silently followed his friend to the truck. he thought to himself.

Jim waited a week before he contacted Blair. It was the longest week of his life. He had brought the furniture back up from the basement, cleaned everything, twice, and still something was missing. The silence of the loft mocked him at every turn. There had been light and laughter and happiness within these walls when Blair was here, and now that Blair was gone, there was only emptiness. Jim didn't remember the loft being this empty, this silent, this lonely, before Blair moved in.

_When did Blair become responsible for my happiness? No, not responsible. When did Blair become part of my happiness?_

Jim laughed out loud at his own blindness. _Blair has always been part of my happiness, from day one._

Jim grabbed a beer and walked out onto the balcony. Taking a long pull, he sat down and contemplated Blair's declaration. Blair was in love with him. Was it a surprise? Yes and no. Yes, because it was unexpected. Blair had been good at hiding his feelings. No, because they spent so much time together and in some dangerous situations. It was easy for people to develop strong feelings and a true devotion for each other when their lives were constantly on the line. That's how Jim had first realized that he was attracted to men.

His years as a Ranger had been dangerous, and he had come to depend on the men he worked with, looked at them like family, except one, Jake. He and Jake had seen the same things in each other's eyes, an attraction they couldn't fight. They had consummated their attraction the night before Jim left for his mission in Peru. He hadn't heard from Jake in the eight years he had been back, and didn't expect to.

What did he feel for Blair? That was the real question that he had to answer. He finished his beer in silence, letting the evening settle around him. The answer would come in time. Maybe he'd go see Blair tomorrow.

Jim saw Blair's car in the parking lot as he was parking his truck. It was a comforting thought that Blair was here. Jim hesitated for a moment, and then entered Hargrove Hall from the back entrance. He didn't feel up to the challenge of walking by the fountain that had almost claimed Blair's life.

He walked slowly down the halls, remembering the last time he had been in this building. It was the first time he had come face to face with Alex Barnes. He hadn't known at the time that she was a Sentinel, and the disconcerting feelings she had caused within him had only heightened his fears. The dream where he killed the wolf who had turned out to be Blair, and then sensing this woman in Blair's office, his territory, had pushed Jim over the edge. He wished he could go back and change the way things had turned out, because then Blair would still be living at the loft. On the other hand, if all of that hadn't happened, then Blair might not have ever told Jim how he felt about him. Fate was a fickle bitch.

He turned the final corner and saw Blair through the etched glass window. It was like a physical blow. Jim leaned against the wall for support. Blair was leaning over his desk, his head in his hands...crying? Jim turned up his hearing, and the small sobs were like daggers to his heart. He had never wanted to cause Blair any pain, but it seemed that was all he ever did. Turning to go, he missed Blair looking up and seeing his Sentinel in the hallway.

Blair jumped up from his desk and ran to the door. Yanking it open, he called out to the departing back of the older man.

"Don't go."

Jim didn't stop, just kept walking slowly.

"You are the last person who can pretend they don't hear me," Blair chided.

Jim stopped, and his shoulders shook in laughter. He turned to see Blair with a beautiful smile on his face. _Yes, I love him._

Blair watched the emotions play over Jim's face, and held his breath in anticipation, hope.

Making a decision, Jim stalked towards Blair and laid his claim. He swept Blair into his arms and kissed him deeply. He felt Blair's soft lips part and a bold tongue greet his, welcoming him in. Mindless of where they were, the lovers held on and took this first taste of each other.

Jim's hands clenched in Blair's silken tresses, the curls holding his fingers captive, as his tongue learned the taste and texture of the anthropologist's hot mouth. His teeth grazed Blair's bottom lip, and he sucked the copper flavor in, tasting as much of his Guide as he could. It was the tip of the iceberg, and he knew that he had to taste more, had to delve deeper.

Blair was lost in the sensations that Jim was only too happy to provide. He had wrapped his arms around his Sentinel and was enjoying the feel of him under his fingertips. His hands trailed lower, wanting to pull the cop closer to him, feel the rest of his body. Blair stopped himself when a semblance of common sense returned. They were standing in the hallway in front of his office. Surely there was somewhere better to continue this.

"Jim, hey."

Blair tried to get Jim's eyes to focus on him. He didn't seem to be zoned, but he certainly wasn't himself. Blair trailed his fingers over Jim's lips, and they were pulled into the wet heat and sucked thoroughly. Biting back a groan, Blair pulled his fingers free of their passionate prison. He pulled Jim into his office, out of sight from the prying eyes that had observed his willing submission in the larger man's arms.

He led Jim over to a chair and pushed him into it. Blair dropped to his knees in front of the man he loved. He hugged him close, listening to Jim's heart and using his Guide voice.

"Come back to me, Jim. I need you. Why did you come here? Why did you kiss me? Please tell me. I need you so much. Please, Jim. Talk to me. I love you so much."

Blair heard Jim's heart pounding at his declaration and felt Jim begin to come back to himself. He tried to move away, but the bigger man held him firmly in place.

"Chief?"

"Yeah, it's me, man," his voice was light despite his proximity to Jim and the situation. "You okay now?"

"Yeah, great," Jim answered unconvincingly.

"You gonna let me go?" Blair teased.

"Never again," Jim replied with conviction.

Blair gasped at the words and tone of voice. _Could it be possible?_

"Okay, man, hold on to me. I'm not going anywhere," Blair said, his voice and heart full.

They stayed like that for long minutes until Jim felt capable of releasing Blair. Even then, Jim kept at least one hand on Blair as the anthropologist gathered up his backpack and a stack of papers.

"Chief?"

"Yeah?" Blair looked up into Jim's penetrating sky blue eyes and saw the hesitancy there.

"Will you come back to the loft tonight?" The words came out very softly.

Blair didn't answer immediately. He wasn't sure exactly what Jim was asking from him. He wasn't sure what Jim wanted from him, and as much as it hurt him to ask the question, he knew he had to know the answer.

"Just for tonight or forever, Jim? Those are the only options you have here."

There was no hesitation, "Forever, chief."

The room lit up with the brightness of Blair's smile, "Okay."

Jim pulled Blair into his arms and kissed the waiting lips, "Say it, Blair. Tell me again."

"I love you, Jim. I've always loved you."

"Oh god, Blair," Jim started. "I...I...you...damn."

"It's okay if you can't say it now. I know you love me. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here."

"I do, chief. I really do."

"Let's go home, Jim," Blair said, and added with a smirk, "You think you can show me how much you love me?"

Before Blair could blink, Jim took Blair's hand and placed it over his denim-covered erection, "Does this show you?"

"Oh yeah," Blair muttered, stroking the denim under his hand. "I can tell that you love me a lot."

"And I'm gonna show you over and over and over..." Jim let his words trail off as he started nibbling on the pale flesh of Blair's perfect neck.

Blair pulled away, hard as it was. "We have got to get out of here. Hell, I don't think they're gonna let me back in here tomorrow after the show we put on in the hallway. What the hell happened to you, anyway, man?"

Jim flushed at the memory, "I, well...I kinda got lost."

"Lost?" Blair questioned, "What do you mean?"

"I got lost in you, in your taste, in wanting you. I couldn't see anything but you."

"Yeah?" Blair said, incredulous and awed.

"Yeah, Professor Sandburg. Can we go home now?"

"We are so out of here."

They started for their individual vehicles but Jim refused to let go of Blair's hand.

"I'm gonna need that to drive with," Blair said lightly.

"Ride with me. I can't seem to let go of you."

"Okay, Jim. Can do," Blair said, getting into the truck. "You think you can run the sirens?"

"Why?" Jim asked curiously.

"I can't wait to get home."

They were home in less than ten minutes.

The end.


End file.
